Why I Will Not Graduate in December

As some of you know our whole family has been on a fast and intense track for me to graduate this December, a semester ahead. The reasons were both financial and practical. In the Fall of 08 we knew financially we could not stay at Southern through May of 10 when I was scheduled to graduate. We looked at leaving in May of 09 and starting in a church somewhere and just finishing my course work as I could. Then some opportunities presented themselves in the late fall/early winter that I could “fast track” and finish in December of 09. It would mean taking out a loan to make it through the rest of 2009 with school and living expenses but I would be done. So trusting it was the Lord’s will we set our course to go all out for Dec graduation.

This fast track took some intense and sacrificial efforts on the part of all of us not just myself. It took the form of my Study trips to Israel in January and England this summer. These two items were especially sacrificial for Amy & the children as well as financially. The plan for graduation in December hinged on my taking 5 classes (15 hours) this fall semester after the intense load of the summer study tour (3 classes, 9 hours).

As I began this semester I was already running the summer and fall classes into each other. At the same time I am serving as the only deacon/elder at our church here in Louisville as we have a new pastor and transition with many new members and revitalizing the church after several years of decline. And yes there is that little other responsibility of husband and father. Amy’s parents moved in with us at the beginning of August because of health issues and being unable to stay alone any longer, this has been a blessing but also added some extra efforts and adjustments for everyone, especially them. Amy parents would like to settle permanently in an assisted living facility close to us. Graduation in December took on an added sense of need and urgency. As I have told some of my friends in discussing my decisions, “We really did bet the farm on graduation in December.”

Due to all of the above, I began to cut corners in every area, class work, church leadership duties, and being a patient, instructive father at home with four children at formative and critical stages in their development. Not to mention making communication with all of you reading this nonexistent in the last 12 months. I started greatly abbreviating my morning bible/devotional reading and personal prayer time. I was short cutting and short circuiting my learning and training to be prepared as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ so I could get a degree and walk across the stage in December. This alone should have been enough to warn me something was wrong, but it wasn’t, I was too focused on the goal. At home I was skipping and not participating in important family activities nor taking the time to teach Grace, Ferris, Daniel, and Joshua intentionally and in life experiences they encountered, still I didn’t see the warning I was locked in on my diploma. At church I was doing less and less teaching and interaction with church members because it took too much time. I completely missed this warning sign; I was committed to wearing the graduate robe in December. Over last weekend one of our attendees at church and the sister of a dear sister in Christ at our church suddenly became ill and went into a coma unexplainably. I was the church leader most appropriate to go to the hospital for numerous reasons, but I didn’t have time to waste on someone in a coma, I had to read church history and spiritual warfare, I needed the accomplishment of a December graduation. On Monday of this past week it all started to crash in around me and I was falling victim to my own sinfulness and vanity.

I had made the mistake of turning my world upside down. I had made the by-product of preparation for ministry, a degree and graduation, as the top priority. At the same time I had placed my real purpose and calling, to be a minster to God’s people, on the bottom of the pile. I had traded the gold and silver of my calling and purpose for the tinsel and glitter of this world. I finally awoke from my stupor to see what I was doing, ignoring the person in a coma, snipping and snapping at the children if any little thing went wrong or disturbed my thinking. Just trying to get by in class instead of really applying and understanding how the knowledge I was being exposed to should inform and direct my current and future role as a pastor.

I started asking myself, “What price is graduation in December worth?” a difficult question to answer as we had bet the farm on it and already sacrificed so much to get right on the edge of my grasping it. I began asking some wise and discerning brothers who know me well here in Louisville what choice I should make at this moment. I put a hold on my assignments and went to the hospital (the coma patient had just awoke during the night before I got there Thursday morning), made plans to start teaching biblical parenting at church this weekend and took time out of my Friday morning schedule to participate in family bible reading and teaching time. To my surprise I found those activities much more fulfilling and rewarding than my class work! (Only folks who really here me talk about my seminary classes can understand why that is a big deal.)

Friday was a time of serious and very thoughtful meditation about what to do next, because the deadline for dropping classes is Monday afternoon. From all I have written above the decision is very simple, but the consequences and ramifications to the family and our personal life required serious careful thinking before pulling the trigger. Personal prayer time and conversation with several brothers who could give me perspective was necessary to make this big decision.

The conclusion to this sad story is that I am going to drop one of my classes, one with a large volume of work, and relinquish my idol of graduating in December. I will attempt to take this one class in January and then have completed my requirements for the degree. For the remainder of this fall, I will complete the classes I have and fulfill my calling as God has given it to me at this time in our church here in Louisville. We are also in the process of looking for a church for me to begin pastoring in January, either as a staff pastor or the senior pastor of a smaller church. No small endeavor and one which from my perspective takes an act of God to bring to fruition, so please pray earnestly for this item if nothing else. Thank you for your continued prayers.

In the end the short answer to why I will not graduate in December is this, the price was just too high and I wasn’t willing t pay it.

se pray earnestly for this itmehis itme if nothing else. an act of God to bring to fruition.

od has given it to me at this time

Post Script

After writing the above explanation, I did one of my assignments, which was to read the beginning of the book of Job. After reading Job lost his livestock, his servants and lastly his children to death, I was stunned to see these words, “Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped.” (Job 1:20) What?!!! Job began the grieving process by worshiping!! Worshiping God because you whole life has just been ripped out of your body?!! This idea isn’t just counter cultural it is counter human! Nonetheless, we are given this principle in Scripture. No matter the grief, not the source of our grief, we are instructed to come worship God first.

I do not know what the outcome will be over the next three to six months by not graduating in December as planned and sacrificed for. I am truly disheartened at the loss of this goal and the emotional set-back it is. After reading Job all I can say, my only response is this, “I put my hand over my mouth. ‘Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, I cannot attain it’ (Psa 139:6). ‘The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21b).”